Making Changes

Why is it that New Year’s resolutions so seldom work?  Every year, millions of us make grand plans to lose weight, stop smoking, read more, call our mothers and give more money to charity.  Every January, my classes are filled to the rafters with intense new students, jaws clenched and eyes burning with certainty that this is the year…this time, I’m going to change my life for good.  By Groundhog Day, classes are back to normal size.

But why?  Well, here’s a theory.  It’s not scientifically proven.  It hasn’t been submitted for peer review.  It’s just my own experience over the years.

We’re enamored with the grand gesture.  The big product launch, the winning lottery ticket, the hot stock tip.  The trouble is that lasting change is typically more boring than that.  Lasting change comes from regular, consistent actions.  I can’t train for a marathon by running myself to exhaustion once a month.  I also drastically reduce my chances of getting through my training if I start out with a goal to run every single day.  “OK,” I say in the heat of the decision to do it, “I’m going to get up every morning before work at 5:30 and go run.”  Then, on Wednesday I have a proposal that keeps me at work until midnight, I sleep through the alarm clock on Thursday morning and just like that, I’ve failed.  Momentum gone.  I set a goal and I blew it. 

The problem wasn’t the missed run on Thursday.  The problem was the goal.  Why set yourself up to fail like this? 

So how the heck do we keep resolutions?  Here’s what I’ve learned.

1. Set a reasonable goal.  This first one seems totally obvious, but how many times have we said that we were going to lose 20 lbs by summer, or read 3 new books a month, or go to yoga four times a week when last year we went four times a month?   Set some manageable goals early and get a few wins under your belt.  Gradually bump up the challenge as it becomes more a part of your routine. 

2. Make your resolutions process based, not outcome based.  Losing 20 lbs is a bad resolution by itself.  So is becoming a size 4 or running a marathon.  If you want to run a marathon, that’s totally cool.  See #5!  But it’s not a good resolution, because you accomplish nothing until marathon day.  Set your resolutions around something you can do regularly, like the runs you’ll do this week or this month in preparation for the marathon.  It’s all about early wins.

3. Give yourself an out.  Going to the gym every day is hard to do, especially if it’s not already in your routine, and double-especially if you hate going to the gym.  You might have to work late, or you might get sick, or any other of a million things could stop you.  From what I’ve seen, the number one resolution killer is not having an out.  We resolve to go to the gym every day, and then when we miss a day, the resolution is blown and the whole thing comes grinding to a halt.  Try again next year.  Instead, bake in a few mulligans.  Set some longer term goals in support of your every day routine change.  Going to yoga three times a week is not the same as going twelve times a month.  Set up a back-up plan for the inevitable detours.  Maybe a practice in the living room counts as half a class.

4. Get some help.  Team in Training will tell you, if you get someone else on board with your plan, it’s going to be easier.  Since we all set the same resolutions (exercise more, eat better, get outside more, get organized, read more, etc) it’s not that hard to find someone to join you. 

5. Sign up for something.  This is my own ace-in-the-hole.  When I used to run a lot, I would sit down every December and sign up for a long race in April or May.  And if I could, I’d make it out of town and talk someone into doing it with me.  Just having that out there, helped immensely.  My favorite was Avenue of the Giants Marathon up in Humboldt County.  It’s five hours away, so there’s a bit of an event mentality around it, it’s far, but flat and do-able.

I’ve used sports examples here, but they’re just examples.  The same ideas apply whether we’re trying to exercise more, or break a habit, or be nicer to the people around us.  Human psychology remains constant, and the change process remains constant.  We don’t like to hear “eat right and exercise” but it works.  The question is how to make it part of your life.